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Existential Pain (beyond neurobiochemistry, 8 April 2009)

(the Opening) A thick wall obstructing the knowing denying the access to a very tightly compressed something a repository of latent, formless thought patterns that are yet to convert into emotion, word and action forms. This is the source a seed of infinite potential. Slowly a flowering an opening of an aperture. dense clouds flowing out from inside into vast outside disappearing into infinity. (the Clouds) Watch different cloud types surging in no particular sequence, one after the other. the high clouds, white and light, pure the middle clouds, grey and layered, disturbing the vertical clouds, dark and heavy, fearsome the low clouds, confusing as they come in all sorts of forms and colours; puffy, layered, formless; white, grey, dark. Each one with different energy and so many of them, carrying unlimited possibilities. (the Flow) It is a beautiful flow let it be. When you interfere you become a cloud, swing from one form into the other endlessly. Then why interrupt? It is a beautiful...
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Existential Pain (free fall, 6 Feb 2009)

  free fall, 6 Feb 2009 i left the crutches now i am on my own falling freely through the gorge like a leaf passing one wall frame after the other i watch in amusement all the pictures endless views some of boredom, some fun, some terror, some colour their beautiful strokes, blues reds greens, pale and bright - each caught up in its own world a glance is adequate, else they seize me if i stare too long taking me for a spin - sometimes for days, months or years no, i don't want to look at them just falling freely is so much more fun..
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Existential Pain (Not Be, 11 Aug 2009)

  not be, 11 Aug 2009 If I am then I want to become all white drenched in light. so slow and calm that I can feel eternity in my each breath ...yet effervescent. and when I see, I truly see perceive wholly without any noise or perturbation but, I would much rather be invisible really really small, atomic evaporate completely and mix with everything else in the great flow and not be      
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Interest(s), 17 June 2009

  Interest(s), 17 June 2009 Warning: Boring Alert!!! (more for self-exploration than anything else) I was updating the quotes on my profile when I realized that I had nothing under Interests. Often I come across these forms that ask me to list my Activities and Interests. Activities I can list quickly, things that I am up to these days. But the Interests field always gives me a "zen" moment where I blankly stare at the box for a few seconds. Interests?.... hmmmm. Interests? Nothing really. Can I just fill in my activities as my interests? Different people are interested in different things; they are passionate about their music, environment, some sport, art, something or other. A person's 'interest' can progress further into his cause, his passion, his love and last for the lifetime. Zakir Hussain and his tabla. Al Gore and global warming. Indians and cricket. Brangelina and family (hehe) and so on. For me, many things came but they were so short-lived that I can...
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What do you want to be?, 27 Aug 2009

  Pre-teen to early teenage: Captain Priya (commercial flights) Flight Lt Priya Other short term ones (almost all inspired by TV): Police Inspector, Detective, Olympic champion (I was flexible on the sport) Late Teenage: Prof Priya Priya, Actress Priya, Scientist (at DRDO or NCL) Today: Priya, Sr. Biostatistician The coolness quotient got progressively lower. What happened? ------------------------------------------------ I must admit that at times it was: Farmer Priya These were times of supreme laziness (not infrequent). Had no idea how difficult it is to be one. The theory was quite simple - Why work hard? Just grow your food and eat it. What else do you need?
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Existential Pain (Wasting Away, 6 Dec 2009)

  Existential Pain (Wasting Away), 6 Dec 2009 The main purpose of this writeup is to help me collect my scattered mind, if it can be done that is (!). I have to give this one a try. My final resort after trying many other obvious mind-balms like walking, yoga, reading, talking to friends, eating, poetry, music, watching sky, attending Vedanta lecture - you name it! A truly caring reader must have noticed that the King of all remedies is missing from this list. Yes, (s)he is right. However, it stopped working for me long time ago so I've decided to lay it off. (All right, no need to sweat if you didn't notice. I did not intend to give you a guilt-trip....or did I? HAHA) I cherish those days when most of my 'gum' was easily dissolvable in a glass of rum and the big ones were broken by the rocks in the scotch. Not anymore for me but count your blessings if the King is still benevolent to you! There is something about these scribblings that is strangely soothing to my mind....
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Coulda Woulda Shoulda (A Story of My Non-existent iPad), 14 Oct 2010

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Even Mike F has an iPad and he 'luvvs' it!!! First of all, why do iPad owners have to "luvv' their iPads, why can't they just 'love' it like normal people?? Life is just not fair. I have met several people with varied demographics and a large spectrum of technological proficiencies who own an iPad. ALL of them JUST LUVVV it. I hate them. Because I don't have one. Let me first explain. My relationship with iPad is complicated. Emotionally taxing, if you will. I was fascinated by it the moment it was announced*. Picture of a person lying on her back and browsing "iPad" on her knees was the perfect sight of earthly nirvana. I thought life cannot get better than that on this planet. Put her on a hammock in Bahamas or on a MUNI in SF, no one can take away her peace. She is zen. Every day on my drive to work, I used to look at those billboards longingly. Then inhale deeply, close my eyes and grin widely. That was me. Soon to be me... ...just like a ...
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