Existential Pain (Not Be, 11 Aug 2009)

 not be, 11 Aug 2009

If I am
then I want to become all white
drenched in light.
so slow and calm
that I can feel eternity in my each breath
...yet effervescent.

and when I see, I truly see
perceive
wholly
without any noise
or perturbation

but,
I would much rather be invisible
really really small, atomic
evaporate completely
and mix with everything else
in the great flow
and not be

 

 

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Existential Pain (At the top of Maslow’s ladder), 15 Mar 2016

All readers of my notes are familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Existential Pain (EP). If you are a new to these ideas, please go back to my old notes. Or at least google. Or Stop. So, existential pain is back. For the last 2-3 years when I was suffering from labor pains of new motherhood (literally and figuratively), I kept consoling myself to look at the bright side, “See, you no longer have the existential pain... ” But it was there. Lurking in the back. Just waiting for an opportune moment to come out. It is interesting to be at the tail end of youth and at the beginning of real adulthood. Late 30s and 40s that is. Yeah yeah, 40 is the new 20 and what not but who are we kidding really? Would I have done ANY of the things I am doing right now when I was ACTUALLY 20?!! (BTW, these are not the 40s blues, I am not 40 yet even though it is imminent). But they are blues. Blues of the EP when you are at the top of the Maslow’s ladder (ML). By now most of us are settled (...
Read more

Existential Pain (Eternal Boredom of the Spotty Mind), 2 Nov 2009

Existential Pain (Eternal Boredom of the Spotty Mind), 2 Nov 2009 Returning back to the now-customary ritual of struggling with "keeping patience". Wait. Why? Didn't you just get a lovely new shiny buddie (a BMW!)? Yes, I did. Thank you. Aren't you happy then? I was on Saturday. Today is Monday. As it turns out, things have a tendency of getting old quickly (surprise surprise). Greener pastures are always somewhere else. Never here. So...? Yes, I am back to the  eternal boredom caused by my spotty mind,  popularly known as  existential pain  in the circle of intellectuals/philosophers/thinkers. What is this 'existential pain'? ummm...pain caused by existence on this earth...I guess..? I don't know. But I do know that it exists, because I am experiencing it. It causes extreme boredom. A symptom so severe that even when you have an important report due by end of day today, unbeknownst to yourself, you start typing a fb note vehemently. Did you google it? Of ...
Read more

Existential Pain (2012 Unhealthy Watermelons)

Existential Pain (Unhealthy Watermelons), 23 April 2012 Existential Pain. I thought I had transcended it. Evolved. To a better life where these existential pain notes* are no longer needed. But this note is looking at me mockingly and I can no longer hold it in. So here we go.  I guess we  never really grow up. Or grow out. We just take it all in and Expand. Different experiences of life that come to us from start to end always stay inside us. In the form of a feeling, a memory, a lesson, a thought or whatever depending on our personality type. In a sense, they do actually make us who we are today. They govern our reactions and choices. They form our likes and dislikes. So subtly that we don't even notice it.  This is how this works: My mom asked me couple of days ago, " Why do you keep buying melons when you don't eat them?" She is not wrong. I buy a watermelon, cut it nicely and store it in the fridge carefully. Then either I forget about it or get t...
Read more