Existential Pain (At the top of Maslow’s ladder), 15 Mar 2016

All readers of my notes are familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Existential Pain (EP). If you are a new to these ideas, please go back to my old notes. Or at least google. Or Stop.

So, existential pain is back.

For the last 2-3 years when I was suffering from labor pains of new motherhood (literally and figuratively), I kept consoling myself to look at the bright side, “See, you no longer have the existential pain... ” But it was there. Lurking in the back. Just waiting for an opportune moment to come out.

It is interesting to be at the tail end of youth and at the beginning of real adulthood. Late 30s and 40s that is. Yeah yeah, 40 is the new 20 and what not but who are we kidding really? Would I have done ANY of the things I am doing right now when I was ACTUALLY 20?!! (BTW, these are not the 40s blues, I am not 40 yet even though it is imminent). But they are blues. Blues of the EP when you are at the top of the Maslow’s ladder (ML).

By now most of us are settled (remember Aamir Khan trying to impress Urmila in Rangeela? Bole to life mein settle hona bahur jarurai hai?). We have got what we wanted or we have made peace with whatever life has brought to us in terms of career, relationships, i.e. we have decent financial and emotional security. We know where we belong, we have found “our people” , “our thing” and we don’t give a sh*%t about others opinions of where we should be. So that’s cool.

As the hard struggles for career, belonging are over, we have all this unused energy and time. In terms of ML, we are ready for self-actualization i.e "What a man can be, he must be."

As I see around me, people are in pursuit of their potentials in one or many directions depending on their personality and life experiences. Some are exploring their athletic potential by running, hiking, biking, diving etc. Some are pursuing artistic potential by dancing, painting, singing, acting etc. Some in pursuit of more wealth or higher position. Some have dedicated themselves to ideal parenting. Some in pursuit of self-less goals through altruism or spirituality. Everyone is passionate about his “thing” and feels temporarily invigorated when he talks about it! I love it!

The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. -Confucius

Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential. -Bruce Lee

What better way to start evolving out of our puny existence?

But then the cynical me pops her head out. What’s the point of all of this? I don’t know what happens in the 50s and 60s but I haven’t seen any people feel this way. There may be some outliers here and there like one mom has found her quilting passion, one dad has found his traveling passion, one friend is reaching linguistic heights by conquering all languages. Regardless of what they are doing, people in their 50s and 60s are chilled. They look like they have reached the next stage of making peace with the life or as this article* calls it, they are “self-adjusted”. They have probably realized that there is nothing more to life and it is as meaningless as ever.

 Sheesh!

 

* A friend sent this as an antidote to existential or other kinds of dread, and to the potential dangers of solipsism (word I had to look up!) or navel gazing: http://www.metastatic.org/text/This%20is%20Water.pdf